Something Bigger Awaits.
“Any resolution or decision you make is simply a promise to yourself which isn’t worth a tinker’s damn until you have formed the habit of making it and keeping it. And you won’t form the habit of making it and keeping it unless right at the start you link it with a definite purpose that can be accomplished by keeping it. In other words, any resolution or decision you make today has to be made again tomorrow, and the next, and so on. And it not only has to be made each day, but it has to be kept each day for if you miss one day in the making and keeping of it, you’ve got to go back and begin again. But if you continue the process of making it each morning and keeping it each day, you will finally wake up one morning, a different person in a different world, and you will wonder what has happened to you and the world you used to live in.” Albert E. Gray (1885-1942)
If you’re headed out to make a change in your life, make sure you pack a bag with a few things because you’ll need them along the way: an understanding of the process of change, an engaging purpose or reason for the change, a healthy supply of desire, and a creative, tenacious and persistent attitude.
If you’ve read my other post on change, then you know that sometimes we can come at change from a place that has us as wrong or broken. But if you can maneuver your way around that rather small and limited viewpoint of self, you’ll find that often times, there is vision and dignity in the impulse to change. As beings we’re programmed to evolve. And the headline is, we’ve been given, in part, the reigns to drive our own evolution. That impulse to change? It’s a signal that our internal drive to evolve has engaged. We decide to change because we know something bigger awaits. At the base of the desire to change is the knowing that things can be different for us; better, easier, more empowering, heck, even just more fun. So we determine what needs to change and we decide, we promise, to do or to be differently. And in the moment of that promise made, we stand in a new place resolute to exercise our will in our life. In that place of a new promise to ourselves, is a belief in our ability to succeed perhaps a belief that is a bit fleeting or a bit muted by self doubt but a belief nonetheless stirs within us that says “yes, I can.” We may even feel a surge of strength as we touch the innate power that lives within us to change our life. We believe we can make the change because our desire is deep and it is from that desire that we actually glimpse who we can become; we see into the future, past the old and into a new self. In the moment of that promise made, we can see who we are becoming. We make a promise to build a new habit or step out of an old one because it is important to us – essential to who we are becoming. We make this promise because there is a bolder version of us calling from around the bend. We can hear her or him and listening to the call, we go about the work of shaping our current lives so that we can embody who it is that we know we can become.
Fueled by the desire to become that bolder self, we move into action. In this early stage of change, our motivation is high because we know who we are becoming. Our purpose is clear. We act from a state of expectancy. We move in possibility. Change feels effortless. That is until something happens. Somewhere along the way, when the romance and the desire wears off, what once felt effortless, the act of change, becomes difficult or uninteresting and we find ourselves drifting into our familiar ways; sliding seemingly and perhaps powerlessly backwards. While I would argue this drift or sliding is an important part of the change process (see the entry, “Two Stepping With Change” below), let’s focus in on what happens right before that drift. And to do that I want to point you back to some of the words I’ve been using, words like, desire, romance, and purpose. These words get tossed around a lot, but in the land of change, they are vitally important. In fact they are the fuel that keeps us moving and practicing and reaching. While the actual process of change can be quite systematic and mechanical, without desire, we won’t feel motivated. Desire is what keeps us in the game. It holds our attention. Purpose, and not just any old purpose, cultivates that desire. Change has to matter to you. Change has to have purpose, a luscious, romantic, heart based purpose. The more engaging your purpose, the greater your desire.
Ponder this: Just like gasoline is the fuel for a car, desire is the fuel for change. If the desire is there, the change can happen. The richer and more meaningful the desire, the hotter and more intensely it burns, the greater chance you have of manifesting the change. In fact, the more dramatic the change, the more your reason (purpose) to change needs to appeal to your most romantic and visionary self. And if your desire runs out, your desired change will fall by the wayside. The key (especially in the beginning) is to keep your desire tank filled. Actually topped off. While a car will run smoothly towards its destination just the same on a ¼ tank of gas as on a full tank, we cannot run smoothly towards change when our desire runs low. In fact as soon as you feel your motivation to change waning, you can bet that your desire is low. That slump in motivation is your internal gas gauge. When you feel it creeping in, when your internal dialogue switches from “Yes!” to “I don’t really feel like changing today” you know you’re running low on desire. You know it’s time to fill’er up. One little caveat here, it is worth acknowledging that every change we set out to manifest does not need to come to pass. As we evolve so to do our desires so we need to leave room for our wants and desires to shift. But even with that said, beware. Beware because complacency, resistance and fear are seductive forces in the change process. These guys can be wolves in sheep’s clothing lulling us away from our greatest selves as they assure us life is better right where we are. So your best tool with these scallywags is a full tank of desire and a little band of fellows called understanding, tenacity, persistence and creativity. Indeed in the process of change there is the you that wants comfort and the you that wants results. Each of these aspects of yourself has its own motivations and strategies. Knowing who you’re dealing with is key. Practicing letting the you that wants results have her day, her time in the sun is the doorway to living the life you imagine for yourself.
To be successful at change we need to involve our whole selves. We need our linear, left brain, planning self the one who can come up with a regimen and a strategy and we need our right brain, intuitive, artistic and yes, romantic self. Why? Because change can be a bitch so we need to marshal our whole self to see us through. How ‘bout we step this out a bit? In this process of change, first, arm yourself with an understanding of it. Know how it works. You are not alone. So many people set out to make a change, fumble along the way (a completely natural and predictable occurrence), get frustrated and throw in the towel. From here they assume they’re the failures – that somehow they’re defective. Battered by a seemingly endless parade of failed attempts to wrest back control of their lives they simply settle into their old life assuming that the one they imagined was a mirage or an exotic land intended for only princes and kings. But armed with an understanding of the process of change, you will know what to look for. You can prepare yourself. And you can have the change you long to see. Understanding is key. It takes you off the hook, makes sense of your “failed” attempts and lets you see where you’re headed.
From here, establish a sincerely compelling purpose something that makes your desire run hot. Know that you needs to be cultivated. Regularly. Every day in the beginning. When I am taking on a new change, in the beginning, I practice making and keeping my promise each day (thank you, Albert Gray). Each morning, I write my promise out fresh again in a new and interesting and engaging way. I get in touch with the why behind the change. I get all romantic and deep and visionary as possible. I get creative. Then I go about my day and practice keeping my promise. I am persistent and tenacious. If I don’t do it one day? No sweat. I simply return to my practice of making and keeping my promise the next day. And importantly, I return to it with an attitude of gentle, loving compassion.
It bears repeating that behind understanding and desire are creativity, persistence and tenacity. To me persistence is sexy, tenacity the new black. When change is in our hearts, when it comes from our deepest desire to evolve, the qualities of tenacity and persistence are key. If you make your change a practice along the lines of what Mr. Gray outlines in the opening quote, then persistence and tenacity will grow in you. You’ll be golden. I promise. And creativity? She’s the gal that makes all this fresh and fun and doable. Being creative with your approach to change is its own glorious fuel right alongside desire. Creativity keeps our right brain self engaged and we need her to be if we’re ever to see success.
Know this: Stumble? Fall? Fail? Forget? Drift? It’s all part of the process. It’s predictable and understandable. When you habitually cultivate your desire, when you’re persistent, tenacious and creative, you’ll pick yourself up as many times as you need, dust yourself off and go at it again. Each time a little differently. Each time a little wiser. Each time with a little more wisdom. You’ll find your way. And in the end you will change. “You will finally wake up one morning, a different person in a different world, and you will wonder what has happened to you and the world you used to live in.”
